A Silent Prayer and a Kept Secret
by Dragionx
Summary: When Inej lies on the bed injured from the ambush Kaz decides to do the unthinkable. Set during the first days on the ship.


A Silent Prayer and a Kept Secret

Kaz refused to admit he was shaken at the thought that Inej had come so close to death. She was his investment, she was his Wraith, She was his and that meant she wasn't allowed to die. He growled and glared at the open sea. It had been expected when an attack came on them before they left port. It had been expected that someone, probably the little flute player, would get hurt. The idea that it could have been Inej was unthinkable yet it had still happened. Now she was down in the ship, possibly going to die, and there was nothing he could do for her.

Then he stopped and his hands tightened around crow head of his cane. There was one thing he could do but it was most definitely stupid and if by some hellish miracle his Wraith woke up she wouldn't let him forget he did it. His hands shook with a blazing fury and he stormed across the boat. Since Jordie he had never bothered to care about another person. In the beginning Inej had been nothing more than an investment, but now . . . she was far more than that.

He could spot Jesper up in the crow's nest keeping lookout for any ships that might be heading for us. Mathias had his head over the railing, vomiting whatever it was he had eaten earlier. The boy was resting against the mast, napping with a small contraption in his lap. None of them noticed when Kaz slipped below the deck.

With each step he took his leg lit up in pain. However, that would not stop him from doing what he felt needed to be done. After what felt like an eternity but was truly a few minutes, he finally saw Inej. Nina looked as if she would pass out at the drop of a hat but was wide awake and scared when she saw Kaz. "I have done the best that I can. She will wake whenever her body is completely ready." He paid her no mind and stared only at Inej.

To say she was pail was an understatement; it was like only calling Kaz a thief. It scared him to see her like that, to see his Wraith look so close to death. His grip on his cane tightened further and he gave one glance at Nina. "Get out and don't come back until I leave." It was not a request but an order and Nina knew better than to disobey Kaz. She gave one sympathetic look to Inej before leaving.

"Do not harm her Bekker." Nina growled under her breath. If she had stayed she would have seen his lips tug into a grin, however small.

"Never." Kaz muttered under his breath when he was sure Nina couldn't hear him. He walked over to her side and sat in the chair. He bit his lip and growled to himself. What was he supposed to do for her? "What the hell would you do here Wraith? Would you curse me and ask your saints for my death? Would you condemn my name to some fiery pit? Damn it Inej I don't know what to do."

His eyes sting something fierce and for the first time in a very long time he cried. It was completely silent but the tears wouldn't stop falling. He hadn't been this afraid since losing Jordie, and now here he was watching someone he truly cared for . . . the only one he cared for on what could have been her death bed. Kaz grit his teeth when he looked at her pale face. "If you are awake you will never speak a word of this to anyone."

Kaz put his hands together and did the one thing he had never done before, he prayed. "I don't know if her saints are listening but please protect her, watch out for her, and guarantee her safety. I am the first to mock you and her faith in you. If you must take my life to accept this prayer, then so be it. A life for a life is a fair trade. I would give up my greed, my life, and even my revenge if you will let her live. She is my precious investment and if I lose her because you refuse to save her life god or not I will make you suffer. She is the one friend I have in this forsaken world and I cannot lose her. I don't know if you will answer my prayer or if you would ever answer the prayer of something like me. But please watch over the only good thing about my life."

He was quiet after that for some time. Whether it was minutes or hours he didn't know. Finally he looked at her pail and then down to his gloved hand. "Once, just this once let me touch her." He took the glove off of his right hand and hovered above her body. He reached out and was so close to feeling her cheek but stopped short. He was afraid of what it would feel like to touch her, afraid it would be like everyone else and he would never be able to embrace the one person he may be capable of loving. With all of the will he could muster Kaz pushed his hand down and almost cried when he felt the warmth of her skin.

There was no disgusting feeling spreading throughout his body. There was no revulsion from touching her. There was just beautiful warmth radiating from her cheek. "You will probably be the death of me." He whispered as he rubbed her cheek. Eventually he pulled away, slipped his glove on, and walked out of the room. Nina was waiting for him at the stairs but her anger from earlier was gone. "I did nothing to her Nina. She is alive and well, you did a good job."

"I'm sure she is more than well after what you said Bekker." Nina said when he was out of earshot. She walked into the room to find Inej sitting up with tears in her eyes. "I was by the door but I didn't catch everything he said. It must have been something truly wonderful to make you cry."

"Nina, please never say a word to anyone about this?"

"No one would believe me if I did. Nevertheless I give you my word and honor as a Grisha to never tell anyone that the infamous Dirtyhands has a heart and is quite in love with the beautiful and deadly Wraith." Inej tried to slap at Nina but groaned and gripped her side. Nina rushed forward and made Inej lay down on the bed. "You still need to rest Inej. Just lie down and don't make any sudden movements."

Inej did as she was told and held her hand up to her cheek. Kaz had prayed for her, at least tried to, and she heard it. He had said she was his only friend and she heard him. Inej had felt the warm touch of Kaz's hand against her cheek. She heard him voice his desire to touch her. Was the warmth she felt the same that her mother and father felt when they embraced. The tiniest part of her soul said it was impossible but by the saints that warmth had been the kindest she had felt in years. Maybe she was coming to love the monster of a man that saved her life. After all, he was a monster that sent the worst of criminals running scared. If he truly did care for her then she would have nothing to fear.

**A/N I know that it's been a long time since I've written anything. At the end of December I lost my job and it took me awhile to find another one. From there it took me a while to adjust to my new schedule and I just got to the point where I can write again. I will try to update my other stories soon. I'm sorry for being gone for so long and I hope you can understand why I couldn't get anything out sooner. I hope you enjoy this little fic I made in the small amount of time I have off.**


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